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My Broken Heart 💔

So this year hasn't started off great due to Major Shipping issues with New Rules due to Brexit - After acquiring my EORI Number to issue to all my suppliers to basically get my orders through UK Customs from Europe, the whole process has been a complete Farce...

I am still waiting on deliveries for orders which I placed before the New Year. 😩

On top of this, I've once again been a victim of Card Fraud and have had £1000 whipped out of my personal account, which I'm still waiting to get back.

I really didn't think 2021 could get any worse, how wrong could I be 😭

Monday, just gone, My absolute pride and joy, my once in a lifetime horse, my partner in crime, my absolute world, my complete drive for my business, as he was the reason I searched into certain brands... went to sleep for the very last time.

After managing a neurological disorder for almost the past 3 years, it was finally time to call it a day.

It's a decision which takes so much love to make, but it is the final thing we can do, and must do for all our animals.

After having a really good 2020 with Coco, he had a stumble on the road with me in October,

I immediately knew something was different as it was his near fore which 'didn't process'.

Its always been his back end which I've had to carefully manage and keep strong to help support his disorder, which I must say, we've done amazingly well.

Still managing most lateral work and movements up to higher level, I've been careful not to 'over-push', but push enough to strengthen.

After our stumble , we had his neck medicated again and brought him back home to see how we got on... he took a bit longer this time to pick back up, which I was mindful about, but also took into consideration the time of year with colder temperatures, wetter weather and his age.

By December we were pretty much back on track, he just took a bit longer to warm up, before I started to collect him and ask a bit more.

2nd January, during a schooling session, I asked for a simple rein back... he got stuck.... again his near fore just 'forgot how to work' all 3 other legs stepped back, except this one, he just lent back into his hind legs with his near fore stretched out in front....

All his other work was fantastic and he was really happy so I messaged my vet to tell her my findings and said I would keep her in the loop.

With work, weather, his condition etc, he was only been ridden 3-4 times a week, so I temporarily backed off most lateral work and just keep it simple.

Once again, he felt pretty good, then I noticed the most minuscule delay in the canter transition, near fore, on both reins.... It was so small, anyone I asked to watch couldn't even see it, but I could feel it and I knew this wasn't good.

I jumped off and just to see, in hand, I asked for a rein back.... he literally couldn't do it...

Time to call the Vet, this was something I just wasn't prepared to ignore.

She was due out anyway 2 days later for another livery, so he just had time out in the field with his buddies and wrapped up over night in his nice big bed.

Thursday last week came, My Vet Becky arrived, she's dealt with Coco since I had him, and knows him extremely well. At first she just commented on him looking a little stiff, his neurological examination wasn't 'horrendous' but when I showed her his attempt at rein back and after a long chat with Hermione, we decided X-rays were our only option to check him out properly.

He was booked in for Monday morning this week.

I spent almost 2 hours sat with him Sunday evening when no one else was on the yard, I think I knew deep down, this was my last bit of quality time with him.... Oh my god did I sob.😭

I spoke about anything and everything, he had a big groom, lots of love and treats, so many kisses and me crying all over him. If I didn't have 3 year old twins at home with the husband, I most likely would have stayed with him!

I dropped him at the Vets on Monday morning, as due to the current Pandemic we can't go in and his assessment and X-rays would take a couple of hours.

I wound myself up into knots waiting for the phone call, and when it arrived, it was exactly as I expected.

The progression of the arthritic changes in his neck had just got to a stage where we couldn't really do much more for him, my heart literally shattered into a million pieces.

It would be a completely unethical and unfair decision to take him home, re-medicate, or Bute to 'see how he got on' just wasn't an option for me or Hermione.

Coco owed us nothing and for such a Grand horse with the biggest personality I've ever known, with any horse... We were not going to allow him to deteriorate and turn into an 'old man', which he would have hated... we would also most likely find unable to get up one day, or with the neurological condition, find him with a broken leg.

Thankfully I was allowed to go and say goodbye and be with him while he fell to sleep.

The most difficult decision I have ever had to make, especially as Hermione lives in the Chanel islands so we had to make the heart breaking decision over the phone.

I was able to hand graze him and give him a whole bag of treats before the time came.

I lay down on the ground and cuddled into his neck as he slipped away... Our story had finished after 10 years.....

And like that.... he was gone.... and I am lost without him....

Coco you were an absolute gentleman, the biggest personality and an a privilege to have.

I will always think of you and my love for you will never disappear.

As a friend said to me on Monday ~ If love could have healed you, you would have lived forever xxx. I love you xxx

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